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6 Tips for Learning to Speak Like a Pro

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I’ve been speaking professionally now for about a decade. I enjoy telling new people I meet that I’m a professional speaker because they often react as if they’ve just discovered an alien species. It’s fun.

By nature of being a speaker, sometimes I get asked for advice about speaking.

  • How did you get started?
  • How did you become a good speaker?
  • What tips do you have for how to be a good speaker?

Today, I’m going to take a break from talking employee engagement and instead, talk speaking. If you don’t want to be a better speaker or don’t care about the process of public speaking, then you can skip the rest of this post. I’ll be back to employee engagement next time.

I won’t bore you with some huge back story about how I became a speaker because none of that will help you be a better speaker. I will say that I think that I was born with some natural advantages like a good voice and a love of performing in front of people. But, the rest of how I became a good speaker is something anyone can replicate.

Here is the advice I offer when asked for my speaking tips.

1. Speak with passion.

When you are deciding if you should speak or what you should speak about, consider how passionate you are about the topic. If it’s something that gets you excited or makes your blood boil, that’s a good sign. Passion is contagious from the stage. I have been called an “evangelist” many times because I speak about topics that I deeply care about and that passion flows out of me. If you don’t care about your topic, it will be obvious to your audience and they won’t care either.

2. Have a point.

If you are going to stand up in front of a group of people, you should have a reason for doing so. Do you want to persuade or influence them to a particular point of view? Do you want them to take a specific action? Or do you just want to make them laugh?  Be very clear with yourself about why you are speaking and what you hope to accomplish. Your audience is expecting you to take them for a ride so make sure you know where you are going.

3. Tell stories. 

If you are a student of communication, you know that stories are one of the most effective means of communicating information to other people. Stories activate our brains in ways that no other type of communication does.  So, when constructing your speech, if you have a choice between showing a chart and data or sharing a story, always chose the story. People remember a good story.

4. Program your language.

The thing that usually surprises people is that I script out my speeches word for word. When I’m creating new content, I literally write out the entire thing in narrative form. Then, I go back and edit it over and over until I get the structure, timing, and phrasing of the language just right. I then read this written content out loud over and over again until I start to feel as if I could recite it without the script. I then start to transition off script and begin to practice reciting it from memory.

The reason I take these steps is to program the language of the speech into my brain. Through this preparation, I am freed from having to think about what or how I am going to say things. Instead, I can focus on audience and what’s happening in the room. I am able to improvise without being thrown off course. Getting to this point takes time and diligence. This brings me to my next point.

5. Practice. Practice. Practice. 

Most people under prepare for speaking. This is where they fail themselves. People describe getting very nervous when they speak, sometimes struggling to find the right words when they are on stage. While you will always have nerves, by scripting and practicing relentlessly, your confidence will increase and you will be better equipped to manage the nervousness.

6. Know your audience, but be yourself. 

One of the sacred rules of public speaking is to know your audience. Who are they and what do they care about? Knowing this allows you to adapt your references and language to better connect with them (and avoid sounding uninformed). This is important advice to follow. But, regardless of your audience, don’t back away from showcasing your unique and authentic style. Adjust, but don’t conform. What makes you different is what makes you memorable. Show off a little of that in every speech whether it’s through your stories or your style.

There you have it. Jason’s tips for speaking like a pro. I hope you found some nuggets in there to help you become a better speaker the next time out.


5 Reasons I’m Looking Forward to #WorkHuman

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Next week, I am headed out to speak at and attend the WorkHuman conference in Austin, TX. While I am always excited when given the opportunity to speak, I’m really looking forward to this event for a few reasons.

  1. I’m debuting some new content. The session I’m doing next week is called “Making Performance Management Human-Friendly.” It’s inspired by the ideas in my new book. It will be fun to put this out there and get some feedback.
  2. WorkHuman feels like a gathering of my tribe–those people working every day to make work more human for all people. Globoforce, the technology company who created and hosts this event calls it a “movement.”  Here’s how they describe it on the website: “Globoforce pioneered the WorkHuman movement to galvanize leaders worldwide to harness the transformative power of people for the next generation of HR. We celebrate breakthrough organizations building human-centric workplaces where employees achieve their fullest potential – where people feel appreciated, connected, and empowered for who they are and what they do.”
  3. Two words: Brené Brown. Her work has been so profoundly important to so many, including me. I’m really looking forward to her keynote.
  4. The #MeToo Panel. The planning team at Globoforce put together a remarkable panel of Tarana Burke (who started the Me Too movement in 2006), Ashley Judd, and Ronan Farrow (the journalist who broke the Harvey Weinstein story). Adam Grant will moderate this conversation. I’m excited to learn from this panel and I hope that it sparks a whole lot of sidebar conversations at the event to help us create a deeper understanding of what’s happening in our society right now. I’m also hopeful that it prompts everyone to think deeply about our own role in creating a different future where this type of panel wouldn’t need to exist.
  5. Thought and action-provoking content. I left last year’s event with some great ideas to think about, write about, and build on. This year’s agenda looks even better than last year’s. Several speakers and thought leaders who have shaped my thinking over the years through their work will be there including Cy Wakeman, David Rock, Christine Comaford, Tony Schwartz, and Simon Sinek.

If you are going to be in Austin next week for the event, let’s connect for a chat.

If you aren’t going to make it to Austin, you might find it worthwhile to check in on the #workhuman hashtag on Twitter between Monday afternoon and Thursday afternoon. It’s a great way to benefit from some of the learning and insights being shared in real time.

I’ll be back in a week or two to share the ideas and conversations that stick with me from the event.

Embracing the Yin and Yang of Human Experience at Work – #Workhuman

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Last week, I had the privilege to speak at and attend Workhuman. It is a remarkable event hosted by the visionary people of Globoforce. I feel privileged to have been a part of it this year. This is the first of a few posts inspired by the event.

There are far more people talking about human workplaces today than there were even a few years ago. But most of that conversation tends to focus on the positive, affirming, self-actualizing side of being human. We focus on helping employees feel more authentic, happy, healthy and engaged at work.

All important stuff.

But as my wife reminded me after last year’s event, this is only one side of the human story. Where is the conversation about the struggles of life? What about the very human experiences of trauma and grief? What about issues of fear and safety?

We’ve witnessed over the past year what happens within organizations when you ignore or aren’t equipped to navigate these things. Uber, Weinstein, and many others come to mind. It can have disastrous consequences. People get hurt.

Making work human means embracing and understanding the good and the bad. If your organization is all yin and no yang, you don’t have a human workplace. That doesn’t mean you have a bad workplace, but you are out of balance. And it’s likely that you are losing out on a lot of potential contribution and creativity from your people.

Workhuman this year brought a beautiful balance of yin and yang to the conversation.

The big solo keynotes all addressed this balance in their own way.  Brené Brown reminded us of how there can be no courage or joy without vulnerability. And that we can (and must) learn to be more vulnerable. Simon Sinek explained how many organizations fail because they adopt a finite approach (beat the competition) while not understanding that they are playing an infinite game with no finish line. Losing in business isn’t about finishing second, it’s about quitting because you lack the will or resources to continue.

Shawn Achor, a happiness researcher, spoke of how we can unleash potential by finding sustained happiness through connection with others. Even he, the happiness guy, spoke of his own struggles with isolation-fueled depression (ironically while teaching and researching happiness) and how he found his way back to happiness through connection with others.

In addition to these solo keynotes (which would have been an A+ lineup for most conferences), they tackled some really important issues that we must understand and confront if we want our workplaces to be good for all humans.  Salma Hayek was interviewed on stage to close day one and talked about her personal journey and struggles as a female Mexican immigrant as she accomplished so many incredible things. She spoke very frankly about how walls were thrown up in front of her over and over again, many a  product of systemic bias and discrimination that we have yet to truly address in society and within our own organizations.

The pinnacle moment of the event was the #metoo panel that featured Tarana Burke, Ronan Farrow, and Ashley Judd (moderated masterfully by Adam Grant). They tackled in an unflinching way the issues we are all trying to come to terms with around sexual harassment and sexual violence, inequity, and abuse of power within our workplaces and beyond. They called out how we need to be hyper-vigilant to not let this conversation get hijacked or diverted to things that it’s not about (i.e. “People are afraid to give hugs in the office now…”). The panel was moving, motivating, and informative. There is really important work to be done to create true equity and safety in our workplaces. There is a wind at our backs. Now is the time, and we all have a role to play.

All of this, complemented by the breakout sessions, really leaned into and addressed the spectrum of human issues it takes to create a human workplace. It achieved a yin-yang balance that I’ve never experienced at any event in the past.

The experience was a great reminder that we have to be very intentional to find the yin and yang. It’s not good enough to put in a great employee engagement initiative if you aren’t willing to address the leaders who are creating an unsafe or inequitable work environment. A human workplace requires that we find the courage to tackle all of these issues, even when they are profoundly hard and uncomfortable to face.

It also requires that the yin and yang balance exist at the employee level. You can’t expect an employee to bring and contribute their very best every day without making room for the other, less productive stuff to come along. When we are scared or hurting or we feel unsafe, we can’t perform our best. A human workplace has mechanisms to meet you where you are, provide the support you need, and then unleash you to make your best possible contribution that day.

Hopefully, I’ll see you at Workhuman next year. Mark your calendar for March 18-21, 2019 and set aside some budget dollars now.

Talking about Gender at Work

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I’ve been thinking a lot about gender equity in the workplace lately. I’m sure many of you have been as well. There is so much work we need to do.

This is an issue that I’ve been called to for some time but have struggled to find my voice in the conversation as a privileged white man. But recently, a number of things have helped me get unstuck in hopes of finding some small way to nudge us in the direction of progress.

One thing that seems clear to me is that we need more conversation between people with different experiences as a way to deepen our empathy and find solutions. So, that’s what I tried to do with this month’s Employee Engagement Webcast. I was joined by my friend and colleague, Heather Bussing, for what I hope you will find an interesting conversation about gender and work. We hope it inspires you to have more conversations like this in your world as well.  Below is a link to the video.

If you are compelled to engage on a deeper level with this issue or, like me, are motivated to reduce your ignorance, below is a list of resources you might find interesting.

Some things Heather has Written

Sexual Harassment: Boys and Thrones 

Women and Tech – The Pace of Change

Diversity: Why Laws Don’t Fix Discrimination

Why Sexual Harassment Is A Culture Issue

How to Identify Sexual Harassment in Your Organization

Other Informative and Thought-Provoking Writing/Video

The #MeToo Conversation Erases Trans People

Understanding Gender

A Gentlemen’s Guide to Rape Culture

Men gather round: This NFL player turned feminist will teach you how to fight sexism

Ted Talk: Roxane Gay – Confessions of a Bad Feminist

Ted Talk: Jackson Katz – Violence against women — it’s a men’s issue

Other Helpful Resources

Talking About Issues Like #MeToo At Work Is Hard. Here Are 5 Ways to Make It Easier

How to Talk about Sexual Harassment with your Coworkers

Feminist Websites, Blogs, and Resources collected by Standford University. 

Intersectional Resources – reading list for a course on exploring intersectionality (with emphasis on issues Afro-feminism)

Gender inequalities in the workplace: the effects of organizational structures, processes, practices, and decision makers’ sexism by Cailin S. Stamarski and Leanne S. Son Hing  – Academic data and analysis of how our organizational structure and HR contributes to gender bias.

6 Tips for Graduates (and anyone else) about Succeeding at Work

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It’s that time of year when videos of famous people giving commence addresses start showing up in our Facebook and news feeds.

Most are full of inspirational platitudes about how these young people can manifest a greater future for us all. These are inspiring speeches, but do they really help these graduates navigate the journey ahead?

This got me thinking. If I could give some practical advice to graduates about how to survive and thrive in today’s world of work, what would it be?

There are so many lessons that I’ve personally learned over the years through my own experience and that of others. It’s hard to narrow down the list but there are a few that feel a bit more important than the rest.  Here they are.

Show, don’t tell.

Talk is cheap. If you want to impress your manager and coworkers, show them what you can do. Take on the tough assignments and prove that you are someone who can get things done and make things happen. You will be surrounded by people at work who can talk a good game, be the person who stands out because you actually deliver when the game is on the line. A proven track record will win over a good sales pitch every time.

Lift others up.

Work today is a team sport. Your success is intertwined with the success of those around you. Be the kind of teammate that makes everyone better. Encourage others. Celebrate their accomplishments. Offer to help. Have their back. As your team grows and improves, so will your performance and opportunities. This is what it means to be a leader in today’s workplace.

Network, network, network.

As I reflect back on my career, every single opportunity that moved my career forward was made possible by a relationship I had with someone. Finding out about a great job, getting a promotion, speaking at a conference…all made possible by someone who opened the door for me. Who you know and the relationships you have may be the most powerful tool available to you to accelerate your career. Make time to build and cultivate your network. This is so important that I co-wrote a book about how to do it called Social Gravity. You should read it now. It will pay off over and over in the future.

Trust your instincts. 

When you get into the workplace, there will be a lot of processes and practices that seem stupid and wasteful. That’s because they are. There will be people in management and leadership who seem incompetent. That’s because they are. You will be able to see the dysfunction because you have fresh eyes. Trust what you see. Don’t let someone convince you that this wastefulness is somehow good or necessary. You will feel compelled to lower your expectations. Don’t do it. That doesn’t mean you will be able to change these things right away. Be patient and keep notes. When the opportunity comes to call out the dysfunction, be ready to do so and have some ideas for how to make it better.

Invest in yourself early and often. 

Be greedy when it comes to experience and education, particularly early in your career when you have the greatest flexibility and fewer life responsibilities. Take advantage of every opportunity you can. If your company offers an overseas assignment, jump at it. If they will pay for your MBA, do it. Experience and education is a compounding asset that will exponentially increase in value over time. Think about it as an investment in your future life. What better investment could you make?

Study organizational politics.

Perhaps the most daunting obstacle you will face in your new career is what we often refer to as office politics. There will be unwritten rules about how things work that will sometimes conflict with the rules that are written down. There will be people who do things to maximize their power at the expense of others. It happens in every organization. The best way to think about politics at work is as the rules of the game. As a player in the game, you must study and understand these rules if you are to survive and thrive. Politics aren’t good or bad, it’s how you choose to play the game that matters. Some people manipulate the rules for self-interest, others for the greater good. Be a student of how things work. Learn how decisions are made and who really has the power. Then use that knowledge to make good things happen.

This list won’t guarantee success. But by keeping these six things top of mind in navigating your career, you’ll give yourself an advantage and likely create some great opportunities down the road.

Calling for a Retreat

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In my June newsletter, I shared that my wife, Angie, and I had a “retreat” scheduled. For those who may not know, Ang is not only my life partner but is also my business partner. This quest to make work more human is a family affair for us.  

On a walk together in May, we realized that we’d started to lose some of the discipline we once had in regards to preventing the business from consuming our relationship. We weren’t anywhere near crisis stage, but we were seeing some warning signs.

The past couple years have been a whirlwind for us. Not only were we trying to grow a business together, but our oldest son was serving as a Marine including a deployment to Iraq. Angie also ran and was

A photo of all of us in April

elected to City Council in our community. Not to mention trying to keep up with two active younger kids. Somewhere in the middle of all that I wrote a book. It’s been crazy.

 

I think we’ve done okay keeping our head above water, but the wear and tear of constant motion and stress was taking its toll. It was time to step back for a couple days.

Going through the retreat was a great reminder of how important and valuable it is to take the time to do it. Every team or workgroup I encounter is facing their own whirlwind. Your own team is probably stressed and tired from the grind too.

A retreat is probably in order.

The best retreats accomplish three things: build the relationship, clarify and renew a sense of purpose, and align future efforts.

 

Build relationship.  

When you leave a retreat, you should feel a stronger connection to the team. This means the retreat should have specific activities and exercises planned to cause people to both get to know each other better and to renew one another.

In one case, I asked each member of my team to write out a few bullet points about what they appreciate about each member of the team. To open the retreat, we went around the table to each person and had the team share what they had written

about each person. It was a simple exercise that ended up being really powerful and moving for everyone involved.  

For Angie and I, we used a series of relationship questions to open up some good dialogue about how things are going and where we might need to make some improvements. One thing we agreed we needed: regular date nights (no biztalk allowed).  

 

Clarify and renew a sense of purpose.

Before diving into any reflective or planning discussions, spend some time considering why what you do matters. This might involve sharing stories of how your work has made an impact. It might involve dreaming about how your future efforts might change lives. The goal is to create a renewed connection to the purpose of the work your team does every day.

In our case, it’s been easy to get focused on the numbers. How many speaking gigs do we need to book? How much revenue do we need to book? But, that’s not why we do this. We are working to make work more human by helping change people’s thinking–particularly those who lead and shape the workplace. When we motivate these people to shape a better work experience, it has the potential to improve the lives of countless people. That makes the hustle worthwhile.

 

Align future efforts.

Once you’ve renewed your sense of purpose, you can roll up your sleeves and dig into the work. There are a lot of ways to tackle this. Your team might need strategic planning exercises to help focus your efforts. Or, maybe you need to focus more on “how” you work. In this case, using the “start, stop, continue” prompts to identify what’s working and what isn’t can be helpful.  

While it’s not likely that you will have the time or ability to create any detailed plans in your retreat, you should be able to arrive at a place that helps the team have a shared understanding of what happens next. In our case, we needed both a conversation about how we are working together and what to prioritize. No huge changes needed, just some adjustments and prioritization.

When you feel like your team is really grinding and you begin to see cracks in communication and cooperation, it’s probably time to step back and regroup. The word “retreat” was historically used to represent a command given to soldiers during battle when it was time to withdraw or fall back, usually to regroup and find a superior battle plan. At the very least, retreat means you survive to fight another day.  

Particularly in the pressure-packed world of work today, teams need time to retreat from time to time. And they need leaders who understand the importance of making time to do it.  

Relationships and Accountability

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If you’ve been following my work over the past couple of years, you know that I’ve been evangelizing the message that “work is a relationship, not a contract.” Because employees experience work this way, work and the workplace should be designed around the same principles that make a relationship healthy–things like appreciation, acceptance, and commitment.

As I speak and write more about what this means, I’ve been encountering an interesting objection.

 

“What about accountability?”

The assumption is that if we treat work like a relationship, it’s all about feel-good emotions without any regard to performance and getting things done. The fear, it seems, is that if we treat work like a relationship, accountability and performance management go out the window.

I was caught a little off guard by the question at first. But as I’ve thought about it, I think I understand where it comes from.

There are many kinds of relationships. Friendships, acquaintances, family, neighbors, and many more. If you imagine the work relationship as a friendship or a neighborly acquaintance, then it’s hard to connect the dots for how it translates into performance.  

The work relationship between employee and employer is a formal, mutually-committed relationship in the way that a marriage is in our personal lives. Both parties have made the choice to enter into this relationship. And while there are some laws in place that outline certain parameters of the relationship, what sustains the relationship and makes it work is an ongoing shared commitment to one another, reinforced by the experience of the relationship itself.

There is nowhere in my life that I feel more accountability than in my relationship with my wife, Angie. I often say that one of my life philosophies is “Happy wife, happy life.” And while that usually gets a chuckle from whoever I’ve just said it to, it’s true. To me, it means that I’m committed to doing what is in my control to keep her happy.   

I can’t control how Angie (or anyone else) feels. But, I recognize that how I show up every day, the way I behave, and what I give to the relationship can have a profound impact on her and how she feels.

I know when I don’t contribute around the house adequately, it will have consequences on our relationship. As a result, I try to do what I can every day to pull my weight and check in from time to time to see how it feels to her.  

If we don’t make time for one-on-one time together to talk, it causes us to fall out of balance. So, I make time when we need it. These are but two examples of many of how being accountable to the relationship is what makes it work.  

 

Accountability is core to any healthy relationship.

In the employee-employer or employee-manager relationship, the problem is that the accountability goes mainly in one direction.  Employees are held accountable and expected to be accountable to the organization, but they aren’t often rewarded with the same commitment from the organization.  

For example, if you do something that makes your boss feel insulted, there will be some backlash for you as an employee in one way or another. But, if a boss does something that makes you feel insulted, it can feel like there’s no way to even address that in a safe and constructive way. One way accountability.

Healthy relationships are reciprocal and balanced. Each party actively invests in and is committed to the other. When it’s one way, the relationship starts to deteriorate.  If you’ve ever been in a relationship where one person was far more committed than the other, you know how that usually ends. It’s not good.

Accountability in a relationship of any type requires these basic things:

  • Clear expectations. You can’t live up to expectations you aren’t aware of or that you don’t understand.
  • Communication. Being in an ongoing conversation about how things are going and what is changing is critical. These conversations produce feedback about how things are going and provide the opportunity to learn and adapt.  
  • Commitment. Being accountable in the relationship means that you will sometimes need to do things that you don’t want to do or could get away without doing. You do these things willingly for one another.  

That last bullet is a big one, particularly in the work relationship. Decades of layoffs and downsizing have created an expectation for employees that commitment from employers is conditional and often fleeting. That means that employers and leaders must go above and beyond to both articulate and demonstrate their commitment to employees.  

As you prepare for the weekend, I’d challenge you to think about how you could demonstrate and reinforce greater commitment to your employees as a way to strengthen the relationship.

Does your company discourage vacations?

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A few weeks ago, I had an interesting chat with my Lyft driver on the way to the airport in San Francisco.

He was a career business development professional who uses Lyft to supplement his income. Our conversation turned to company culture and work experience (shocking, I know).

He told me about how he had changed jobs and moved his family to Sacramento because he worked for a company that consumed every moment of his life.

When he wasn’t traveling, he was expected to attend client events in the evenings. His wife and family hardly ever saw him.

Then there was the whole issue of vacation. He shared a story with me about a time early in his career when he’d qualified for a company-paid sales incentive trip to Hawaii.

He invited his girlfriend to go along. She agreed based on one condition–that he leaves his laptop at home. She knew that if he brought it, he’d work much of the time. He knew it too but didn’t feel like he had a choice. He chose the laptop and ended up making the trip alone.

At this same company, he described the ritual guilt trip that would be applied by management every time he tried to request vacation days. They’d always say the same thing, “We’ve got so much going on right now, can’t you find another time to go?”

He felt so tied to his work that he couldn’t disconnect, ever.  And, it had an impact on him and his family. Thus, he finally left.

I wish his experience was a unique one and that he just happened to work for a company that was getting it wrong. But, I know too many people who have had the same experience to think that’s true.

And, the data seems to suggest the same.

According to the 2018 Work and Well-being Survey recently published by the American Psychological Association, despite 76% of respondents saying that taking vacation time is important to them, only 41% reported that their organization’s culture encouraged taking time off.

That’s 6 out of 10 organizations where the employees feel like they are discouraged from taking a vacation. Let that sink in.

So, it probably shouldn’t be too surprising that 65% of respondents reported that the positive benefits they feel as a result of taking a vacation (when they do take it) either disappear immediately or within a few days.

This is crazy.

And it’s symptomatic of much deeper cultural and performance issues. If you feel like you cannot be gone from work for fear of lost opportunity or what might happen while you are out, that suggests a teamwork or trust deficiency.

If you don’t want to take vacation time because you feel penalized by a backlog of work that occurs while you are out, that’s a process and work design problem.

If you don’t want to request vacation because of how guilty your manager makes you feel about it, that’s a leadership failure.

The pace and intensity of work have increased steadily over the past couple decades thanks largely to technology. We spend more time connected to work than ever before.

That makes vacation time more important than ever before. People need time away from work to rest and connect to the things that are important in their life (family, friends, travel, etc.).

This weekend, I’m leaving for a week of summer vacation with my family. I didn’t realize how much I needed the time away until it started to draw near. It’s been a pretty intense year so far and I have not unplugged in a long time.

Time away from work is necessary to recharge.

Organizations should encourage employees to use their time off, even require it if necessary.  And, when people leave for vacation, expect them to disconnect and give their full attention to whatever they do while they are out.

Your organization’s posture towards vacation is a good indicator of how well you are tending to an employee’s overall well-being and engagement.

If you aren’t sure how you are doing, take a peek at how much vacation time is being used. Or even more simply, go ask some employees if using vacation time is encouraged.


Designing Employee Experience (A “How To” Series)

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As I’m seeing more and more discussion about employee experience, I’m not finding a lot of content about how to activate and do the work.

The reason I’m so bullish about the concept of employee experience is that it is proactively actionable whereas traditional employee engagement practices are largely reactive. Organizations can intentionally design the employee experience to improve engagement and performance.

Over the past two months, I’ve been writing a series of posts for my friends at PeopleDoc titled “How to Design the Employee Experience.” If you have been pondering employee experience and how to get started, I urge you to check out the series.

  1. The Impact of Experience 
  2. Applying the Design Process
  3. Getting Started with Discovery
  4. Define Your Ideal Employee Experience
  5. Delivering a Great Employee Experience
  6. Using Technology to Enhance the Employee Experience

I hope you enjoy the content and find it useful. My new book, Unlocking High Performance, will dive even further into this when it’s available in October.

 

UK Pre-Order NOW! US Pre-Order July 28th

 

 

Making the Invisible Visible with ONA

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Well over a decade ago, I walked into a session at a conference in Tucson, Arizona. I wasn’t sure exactly what the session was going to be about, but it sounded interesting.

The presenter was a professor at the University of Virginia named Rob Cross.

Rarely have I ever uttered these words about a conference breakout session, but this one blew my mind.

Rob presented a masterclass on organizational network analysis and shared how he had helped organizations apply it. The network maps he showed were fascinating and he described how this approach made the informal networks of an organization visible.

His stories of how he’d used ONA is what really floored me. And I can still remember one of those stories well over a decade later.

He described how he’d been hired to work with a large organization with an extensive and global R&D department.  The client was concerned that R&D was underperforming in part due to a lack of communication and collaboration globally.

So, they conducted a network analysis to understand and map the relationships in this group. They discovered that they had geographically disconnected networks. People within the same country or location were well-connected, but the network broke down beyond that.

In fact, they found that they had people within R&D working on the same things in separate offices around the globe, but they weren’t aware of one another’s efforts. No communication, no collaboration.

So, they decided to design an intervention to address this.

As I recall the story, they organized a global conference for all of their R&D people to come together physically in one place. At the event, everyone was wearing an RFID-enabled nametag. In advance of the meeting, Rob and the client had mapped out the people in the network who they felt should know each other based on their role or the work they did.

When an employee attending the event passed someone in the hall or sat down next to someone who they had been matched with, both nametag would light up. They knew to then look around to find the other person with a lit up nametag and have a conversation.

As these conversations happened, they also had a live visualization of the network projected on a screen or wall that lit up new links as people connected with one another. They could see the network forming in real time.

He talked about how this had a tremendous impact on their performance. The break in the network hadn’t happened intentionally, so it was just a matter of getting the right people connected together to unleash collaboration and cooperation.

This story floored me. The fact that they had not only mapped the network, but they used that information to actively “program” for new connections and relationships using technology was amazing to me. I was hooked and remain hooked on the promise of ONA to this day.

A week ago, I participated in a series of educational webinars presented by Connected Commons, an online membership community dedicated to the practice of Organizational Network Analysis.

The presenters included some of the biggest names in this field of work. Among them were Rob Cross, Valdis Krebs, and others. If you’d like to view the recordings, you can find them here (at least for now). They were really well done and practical.

Sitting through these webinars reminded me again of why I feel that ONA is so powerful yet underutilized. I am encouraged that it seems that more organizations are starting to find uses for it.

Michael Arena, the Chief Talent Officer at GM and author of the recently published a book, Adaptive Space, is among those using ONA to drive results within the organization.

I had the opportunity to hear him speak last year about this work. One story he shared was about an underperforming call center team at GM. After conducting an ONA on the team, they realized that this team was far less cohesive and connected than other teams who were higher performing. The intervention they used to address this was simple and cost them nothing.

Instead of having staggered breaks, this team was sent to breaks and lunch at the same time. That’s it. This resulted in team members spending more time together and building relationships. This simple change resulted in a more cohesive team and improved performance.

So, here’s the bottom line. If you aren’t familiar with Organizational Network Analysis, change that now. Learn about it. Relationships and connections have always been important to how work gets done. That impact is amplifying by the day and will only continue to do so in the future. Understanding networks and relationships will be vital moving forward.

Put ONA in your toolbox.  You’ll be glad you did.

Wellness 2.0

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About eight years ago, I joined an organization that was pretty serious about workplace wellness.

Since the wellness team rolled up to me as the HR leader, I got pretty serious about learning what it was all about quickly. Most of the focus, I learned, was on improving the physical health of our employee population.

This particular organization had been investing in wellness programs for years, long before most organizations started to take it seriously. They did some really cool stuff in the name of wellness. They viewed it as a benefit to employees.

At the time I joined this organization, healthcare costs in the U.S. were really beginning to skyrocket and the cost of providing employer-sponsored health insurance had become a concern.

This triggered the wellness industry to jump into action. Suddenly, workplace wellness programs were no longer a benefit, they were a vehicle to control and reduce health insurance costs. It made sense. The healthier you are, the less healthcare you consume–at least in theory.

We sold this clear new “business case” for wellness, HARD. Our execs got on board and we got to work.

But, the promised cost containment and cost savings never really materialized. And we weren’t alone. It wasn’t that wellness wasn’t making a positive difference, it just wasn’t reducing health insurance spend.

This promise of wellness has failed. The costs savings never materialized. Wellness had bet big and lost on a business case with far too many uncontrollable variables.

Sadly, this is putting some wellness programs and wellness professionals at risk of losing funding and influence.

Now is not the time to abandon wellness. Now is the time to double down.

Work is a relationship for employees. And, at the core of a healthy relationship is feeling a sense of belonging and being care for. No other function within the organization is better positioned to help employees feel this way than wellness.

The practice of corporate wellness has evolved over the past decade. Today, instead of only being about improving physical health, it’s about improving overall feelings of well-being. Wellness is wholly focused on caring for you as an individual person.

When wellness works, it can really strengthen the relationship by making you feel like the organization cares about you beyond simply what you can do for it. If your organization provides you with the tools to get out of debt or with the skills to be a better parent, it makes a real and positive impact.

But when it fails, the relationship gets damaged. My wife still talks about a day at work well over a decade ago that is a good example. A snowstorm was getting started in the city and many of her colleagues were leaving work early to make it home before the snow got bad.

As a single mom with a young son in daycare, she had to make it across town before the daycare closes. For those who may not contend with snow regularly, when a snowstorm of any magnitude rolls into the city, a 30-minute commute can become a 90-minute commute pretty quickly.  So, she asked her boss if she could leave early.

As an hourly employee, her boss not only didn’t want to let her leave early but proceeded to give her a lecture about how she needed to have a backup plan for situations like these. These words, to someone who didn’t have an easy answer for a “back up plan” were at best insensitive and at worst insulting and hurtful. Like I said, my wife still feels the hurt all these years later.

Learning to really care for an employees wellness is at the heart of creating a great work experience and a strong work relationship.  But, this requires that we evolve our understanding of wellness as a practice.

Recently, the Wellness Council of America debuted a new definition of Wellness that I find really inspiring. Here is the core of their definition:

What is Wellness?

Wellness is the active pursuit to understand and fulfill your individual human needs—which allows you to reach a state where you are flourishing and able to realize your full potential in all aspects of life. Every person has wellness aspirations.

Successful workplace wellness initiatives require supporting employees in fulfilling their needs in these seven areas:

Health   Beyond the absence of mental and physical illness, health is a feeling of strength and energy from your body and mind.

Meaning   Feeling part of something bigger than yourself. Knowing that your work matters. Having purpose in your life.

Safety   Knowing that you are safe from physical and psychological harm at work. Feeling secure enough to take calculated risks and show vulnerability. Free of concern about meeting basic life needs.

Connection   Experiencing positive, trusting relationships with others. Feeling a sense of belonging, acceptance and support.

Achievement   Feeling you have the support, resources and autonomy to achieve your goals. Succeeding at meeting your individual goals and work aspirations.

Growth   Feeling like you are progressing in your career. Learning and being challenged to use and expand on your strengths.

Resiliency   Viewing life with optimism. Feeling grateful and expressing appreciation. Feeling validated and encouraged.

You can find the full definition here.

As we wrestle with how to make our organizations and the work we do better for humans, I think it would be smart to put wellness at the center of those efforts. If we feel unwell, whether it’s from our physical health, stress from financial strain, or a lack of meaning in our life, we won’t and can’t perform at our best. The most engaging workplace in the world can’t compensate from a lack of well-being.

The heritage of management we inherited suggests that life exists outside of work and that, as employers, we need only concern ourselves with what happens “on the clock.” That may have worked in the early days of mindless factory work, but it’s no longer valid today. The wellness of our people is where it all starts.  The more “well” they are, the more performance potential they have to give.

Wellness isn’t going to fix your health insurance issues, but it may go a long way towards boosting performance. Give it another look.

This week, I have the privilege of presenting a keynote at the WELCOA Summit in San Diego. If you are going to be there, drop me a note. Let’s meet up. 

The Blindspot in Employee Engagement

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A couple years ago, as my wife and I were returning home from an employee engagement conference where I had spoken, she said something to me that I didn’t fully understand at the time.

I remember it sounding something like this.

“The content here was good, but it was all focused on the happy, positive side of being human at work. Where’s the conversation about all of the hard, painful stuff that humans bring with them to work? Why wasn’t anyone talking about that?”

I agreed with her because she’s always right (joking, kind of). But, the gravity of her wisdom didn’t set in with me until much later.

As I started to pay closer attention to the conversations happening about making the workplace more human, I started to notice what she was talking about. Most of the focus is on how to create a more connected, inclusive, mindful, nourishing, affirming work experience for employees.

All great stuff. All important stuff. Do that.

The problem, however, is that humans carry with us a lot of baggage when we show up to work each day. Regardless of how much we try to convince ourselves of the separation between work and life, it’s a lie.

Life is everywhere and everything we experience is life. Work is just one place where life happens.

Remember, work for employees is a relationship. The test of a good relationship is how you show up when things aren’t so good. The friendships that sustain are with those who are not only around when it’s time to celebrate, they also show up when things are hard (through an illness or breakup, etc.). It’s how they show up in these moments that creates the commitment and loyalty that lasts.

The same is true of the work relationship. It’s great that you celebrate victories and birthdays and new childbirths, but how do you show up during hardship and tragedy? That’s where the rubber meets the road.

This came into stark focus for me last week when I attended and spoke at the WELCOA Summit, the premier event for workplace wellness professionals. It seems that while most of us focus on creating the shining, happy workplace where all humans are welcome, these wellness champions are the ones worrying about the not so shiny, not so happy reality of being human.

The opening keynote by Mettie Spiess is a shining example of what I now realize is the real work of creating a truly human workplace. She sharing her gut-wrenching personal story of losing both of her brothers to suicide and of her own experience of living with mental illness. Her life’s purpose is to create a world without suicide. And she believes that’s possible, but not unless we make some major changes.

The statistics on suicide and mental health in the U.S. are alarming, to put it lightly.

Here’s the truth. Even if you have created an amazing, engaging workplace–these stats make clear that there are people walking through the door at your workplace each day who are silently suffering, maybe fighting a solo battle for their survival.

The bad news is that they aren’t likely to find much support at work because we aren’t looking for them. It’s easy to ignore the realities of mental illness unless you or someone you love is living with it. And to make matters worse, there’s such a negative stigma around mental illness (i.e. “I didn’t know you were crazy”) that it rarely feels safe to ask for help–even when there’s some sort of structure in place to do so.

One of the core messages I took from Mettie is that we must dramatically raise awareness and kill the stigma around mental health. To do this, we have to be very intentional in our efforts around education and awareness of mental illness and suicide in the workplace.

But beyond that, she reinforced the importance and power of authentic human connection and compassion to break some of these cycles. The CDC identified social connectedness as a key factor in the prevention of suicide. Fostering the creation and formation of healthy relationships through work could literally save someone’s life.

But, so too can showing care and concern. Simply paying attention to others and asking “how are you doing?” can make all the difference. This seems so simple and obvious but is easy to neglect in our steadfast commitment to being “busy” all the time.

Suicide and mental health probably feel pretty uncomfortable to read about, let alone talk about. I know. For me too.

But I think this is the essence of the work to create truly “human” places of work. We must create a place where humans connect together to not only create work product together but also to find belonging and acknowledgment and support–real support for both the good stuff and the bad.

Even the people in your work lives who seem to have it all together on the outside are probably struggling with something beneath the surface. It might not be mental illness or suicide, but it might be something that feels just as debilitating to them.

Maybe they are experiencing burnout.

Or maybe they are suffering abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. (20 people per minute are abused by an intimate partner in the U.S. and some of them work for you.)

Many are suffering from serious financial stress. One study reveals that 1 in 4 Americans suffers from PTSD like symptoms caused by financial stress.

The list goes on. Life is hard and the challenges are real.

If we are going to create a truly “human” company, this is the hard work. It’s not enough to simply focus on appreciation and connection and encouragement. We must also make room and provide support for the other side of the human equation.

Creating an engaging work experience for employees is meaningful, important work. But, changing or saving someone’s life is a whole different level of impact that we can and should have on the people who we employ.

Not sure where to start? Let’s chat. I’ll help nudge you in the right direction.

Oh, and how are you?  If you are struggling and need to talk, please reach out.

For more great reading on this topic, check out my friend Rachel Druckenmiller’s summary post about the WELCOA Summit. It’s full of goodness.

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 or Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Technology’s Evolving Role in HR #HRTechConf

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The HR Technology Conference has become one of my favorite events of the year. It’s a great opportunity to get a feel for the broader trends in HR and work.  

Each year, I try to take in a few sessions and spend some time walking the Exhibit Hall. My goal is to try to understand what the technology vendors think is important to the HR community. This comes through loud and clear through their marketing messages and positioning at the event.

Based on my observations, this year’s overarching theme seemed the same as last year. Everything is about AI (artificial intelligence). Apparently, we are all so fascinated by the potential of AI that nearly every vendor is feeling the pressure to show how they are in the AI game.

I personally think that most of the talk about AI is distracting us from what really matters in making work better. That is an argument for another day. The bottom line is that for the second year in a row, AI was the dominant buzzword of the conference.

Another thing I love about this event is the conversation and presentations about the future of work. Technology companies are rightfully interested in understanding how work is evolving and what the future might look like so they can enable that future through their products.

Based on what I heard from Josh Bersin and others, it seems to me that there are some real shifts coming (and needed) in terms of what HR technology looks like and how it works.  There were three big things that I took away from this year’s event.

  1. HR technology tools need to be where the work happens. Almost all of today’s HR technology tools are part of a stand-alone platform or product. This means that the employee has to leave the technology that they primarily use to do their work (email, calendar, CRM, etc.) to find and log into another application before being able to take their desired action. It’s no wonder that we struggle to get employees to consistently engage with these tools. It feels like a hassle. The next generation of HR tech tools will be built into where you do work to make the employee’s experience much more fluid and intuitive. Keep an eye on companies like Microsoft, Google, Salesforce, and Slack as they are already starting to build some of their own integrated tools. It seems like there’s about to be a lot of innovation in this area. 
  2. We need technology to support wellbeing. Earlier this year, Stanford Professor Jeffrey Pfeffer published a new book titled, “Dying for a Paycheck: How Modern Management Harms Employee Health and Company Performance—and What We Can Do About It.” He argues that work is literally killing us. Much of that boils down to the immense stress that people are feeling today from both work and life. I’m convinced that tending to the wellbeing of employees will emerge as a business imperative over the next five or more years. Technology has contributed significantly to this problem in the past by enabling 24/7 connectivity. Now we need new technology to help us begin to fix it.  
  3. The future of work is teams. Bersin stood in front of a room full of HR technology marketers and declared that while more companies are organizing work in teams, today’s HR technology tools are almost exclusively designed around individual work performance. For those who work in a project team or agile environment, you can probably relate to how different it is to manage the performance and engagement of teams compared to individuals. As the way we work and our management approaches shift more and more towards teams and collaboration, we will need new tech tools to support that. And, it doesn’t seem that there are many tools here yet. I expect that to change quickly. 

Those are my takeaways from this year’s HR Tech Conference. If you are interested in technology and the future of work, I highly encourage you to give this conference a look next year. If you decide to go, look me up. I’ll be there. 

An Underutilized Tool for Engaging Employees

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Among my first jobs out of college was as a third-party recruiter.

At that time, there was no LinkedIn, so your success depended on making cold calls. And, I’m not talking about a just a few—it was 50 to 100 calls a day.

In most cases, I was calling a company whose phone number I’d found in a phone book (remember those?), trying to make my way to someone qualified for the job I was trying to fill.  

The art of these calls was first to get past the “gatekeeper” who answered the phone. Often, this was challenging because many gatekeepers were skilled at their job, namely minding the gate and keeping the riffraff (like recruiters) out.

If I was successful in getting past this hurdle, I then had to get the potential recruit to listen to me long enough to hear my pitch. Again, easier said than done. Who wants to be pitched by a stranger on anything?

Nobody.

These calls were hard. But my success as a recruiter depended on them.

I was always on the search for cold call tips and techniques. Of all the different things I tried, one proved far more effective than anything else.

Asking for help.

Regardless of who answered the phone, I opened the call with “Hi, my name is Jason Lauritsen and I am hoping you can help me.” In most cases, the person on the other end would reply with something like, “I’m happy to try.” 

In recruiting, this was a tactic. But, I learned something powerful by using it.

People like to help. Most want to help you if given the opportunity.

And yet for some reason, we are reluctant to ask for help. Maybe we don’t want to impose on others. Or worse, we don’t want to look weak or unsure. 

We’ve got it wrong.

Asking for help is a sign of strength and confidence. It shows an awareness that you rely on others to succeed (we all do). And it demonstrates both trust and respect for those you ask. 

Asking for help builds relationship and community. It draws people to you. It’s a way of engaging with people in a meaningful way. 

And, it’s a wildly underutilized management tool for building teams and creating a more engaging work experience.

One of the things that drove me crazy in my corporate HR days was the amount of time managers and leaders would spend in meetings talking about a group of employees without any input or participation from those employees.

Questions would come up like:

  • Why are we losing so many people in that department?
  • How do we get the performance up?
  • Why are customer service scores declining in the group?
  • How can we make this new scheduling challenge work? 

Management would spend hours together speculating and debating, tossing around opinions about what to do. It never seemed to dawn on anyone in the room to go ask those who actually knew the answer.

Employees tend to want the same things that management and leadership does. They want to be successful. They want to perform well. They want customers to be happy. They want to be engaged.

But they are stuck, left confronting obstacles that they have no power to address or remove. If only someone would ask them how to make things better. 

Ask your people for help.

When you declare your intentions and employees believe your intentions to be pure, they will be eager to help if you give them the chance.

  • “I’d like to create a work experience for the team that feels energizing and that makes you want to come to work. But, I’m not sure how to do that. I need your help to make it happen.”
  • “I want to be the best manager you’ve ever worked for, but I can’t do that without your help. I will need candid feedback and your partnership to pull it off.”
  • “We need to figure out how to improve our output by 10% for the rest of the year if we are going to meet our goals and earn everyone their bonus. I clearly don’t have the answer, so I’m hoping you can help. What ideas do you have?”

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s an invitation to engage—to be part of something important. When you open yourself up honestly to your team and ask them to help, they will frequently surprise you. 

When you listen to their suggestions and work with them in partnership, you will have already created a more engaging experience for your team.

Why Performance Management Still Sucks

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I’ve spent a large part of the last year writing a book about performance management.  

One of the big questions I wrestled with was “how did we get this so wrong?” That question isn’t all that hard to answer when you look at the history of management and discover that it was based on a contractual, compliance-based model.

This helps explain how we ended up with compliance-based processes like the annual performance appraisal and performance improvement plans. They make sense in the historical context in which they were created. 

But times have changed. And work has changed. A lot. 

Performance management hasn’t. 

A majority of organizations are still running these same compliance-based processes today. Taken in the context of our climate of work, they make little or no sense.

Employees hate it. Managers cringe at the mention of performance management. And HR keeps running the system despite knowing that it doesn’t really work.  

It’s glaringly obvious that it’s a broken system. It’s been obvious for decades. Why is it taking so long to fix?  

This might be the more important question. 

Performance is the lifeblood of any organization. Without it, the organization withers and dies.  What could be more important than the management of performance?

And yet.

No one owns it.  

Everyone participates. Everyone is impacted.

No one owns it. 

Managers are charged with the day to day responsibility of ensuring employee performance. Leaders are broadly responsible for organizational performance.  And HR is where the formal, compliance-based processes for the appraisal of performance.  

But who is responsible for designing and deploying and maintaining a system for managing performance across the organization? 

Certainly, HR is the assumed answer. 

But, I think I’ve only met a handful of HR professionals in my life who’s primary job role and function was performance management. 

This fall, I facilitated a panel of HR leaders at the HR Tech Conference to discuss the evolution of performance management. I asked each of them how performance management fit into their overall HR structure. Each of the four companies was different. 

In one case it was part of total rewards (i.e. benefit and comp). In another, it was viewed as part of employee engagement. In another, it was under the banner of employee relations (i.e. compliance). 

In two of the four cases, the main reason HR undertook the process of changing performance management was that executive leadership demanded it.  

It’s crazy. 

A well-designed performance management system should be the operating system for your organization. It ensures a sustainable and consistent employee experience that unlocks individual and team performance. Most organizations today are still running a performance management operating system written in the 1920’s.

It’s way past time for an upgrade. But, that upgrade will never happen unless you make it a priority.  

Every organization should have a role or team dedicated to performance management systems. If you don’t like the phrase “performance management,” then call it performance enablement or performance processes.  

It can be in HR or it can be elsewhere. It will depend on your organization. 

We would never let something like sales or financials or technology go without an owner who has the responsibility to ensuring process effectiveness.

Why do we allow it with something as vital as the management of performance?

Let’s change that. 


Words of Gratitude

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In the work relationship, few things are more powerful or important than appreciation and acknowledgment. Knowing that someone recognizes our efforts and cares that we showed up each day is vital.

And one of the most effective ways to create this experience for others at work is through expressions of gratitude. Expressing gratitude to others not only has a positive impact on them, but it also has positive side-effects for you.

In the U.S., when the month of November arrives, we begin to think about the Thanksgiving holiday. A number of years ago, I was inspired by a friend to use this holiday as a time of reflection about who and what I was grateful for (more on this later). Part of that reflection for me has been to send notes of appreciation to those who have had an impact on my life in the past year.

It is a wonderful and uplifting exercise each year. And, it helps remind me of how powerful expressions of gratitude are on human relationships.

This year, in hope of inspiring you to adopt a practice of expressing gratitude both at work and in your life, I’m going to write my notes of gratitude as blog posts. My goal is to publish a note of gratitude each day between now and Thanksgiving.

I hope each one serves as a nudge to take a moment and reflect on who and what you are grateful for each day. When it involves a person, I hope you will take the extra step to share your appreciation. Your relationships will benefit as a result.

Today, I want to express my gratitude specifically to my friend, Don MacPherson.

It was Don who provided me the nudge to start my annual Thanksgiving exercise of sending these notes. A number of years ago, I heard Don speak about how he would make phone calls ON THANKSGIVING to people as a way of expressing his appreciation to them.

I will admit that I thought he was a little bonkers when I first heard this. But when I found myself on the receiving end of one of his calls, it really moved me. And then I understood.

Don is a smart and caring leader who I am privileged to know. Every conversation I have with Don leaves me both smarter and a lot to think about.

If you don’t know Don yet, I would urge you to check out his new podcast called 12 Geniuses. You can find it on iTunes, Stitcher or on his website. It is good stuff.

Thank you, Don. I am grateful for you.

Words of Gratitude #2: Start with the Most Important (A Love Letter to my Wife)

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Note: I’m writing a note of gratitude on the blog each day in November leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday. My hope is that these posts will inspire you to do the same. Write an email, Facebook post, or a text to tell people they have made an impact on you. Gratitude is contagious. 


When I reflect on what I am grateful for, the first thing that comes to mind every time is my wife, Angie. Most of you know that she’s not just my wife and the mother of my children, she’s also my best friend AND my business partner. So, as I embark on this gratitude blog series, it seemed right to start with the most important person first.

Angie and I have a lot of dynamics to juggle in our life. Our kids are increasingly busy, our schedules are becoming more chaotic, the business continues to grow, and somehow we’re making it all work together.

As I have done research over the past few years on what makes human relationships work, it reinforced how lucky I am to have a partner in life like Ang. If I were to list all of the reasons why I am grateful for her, this blog post would be as long as a novel. So, I’ll just hit the high points today.

I’m grateful that I am married to someone who inspires me. I’ve had a front row seat to watch Angie emerge as a community leader and advocate of victims of abuse. She’s committed to making the world a better place and to use her past experiences to bring strength, courage, and hope to those who need it. I’m humbled by her commitment to this quest and it motivates me to be a better person.

I’m grateful to have a partner in life who accepts me as I am. No matter how weird or annoying or exhausting I may be sometimes, she has never made me feel as though I needed to change. For better or worse, she loves this weird combination of things that is uniquely me.

At the same time, I’m grateful to travel this journey with someone who continually helps me grow. Angie has a way of challenging me and pushing back that challenges me to reconsider or reflect without feeling defensive. I’ve learned so much from her and I know there is still so much yet for me to learn.

I’m grateful that she believes in me, often more than I even believe in myself. Long before we were business partners officially, she was all in on my potential. Even when I struggled and failed, she never wavered. Even when we burned through all of our retirement savings to stay afloat while I floundered in a past business venture, she never wavered. There are very few things in life more powerful than to have someone who believes in you this way. It is a priceless gift and the only way I can possibly try to repay her is by believing in her the same way.

Finally, I’m grateful for everything she does for our family. She is the CEO, CFO, and COO of the Lauritsen household and that is a big job by itself. Since my job requires quite a lot of travel, she’s often left to man the ship without any backup. And she does this while also serving our community as an elected official and helping run a growing business. It’s a superhuman accomplishment each week to make this happen. And, I am profoundly thankful for the immense work she does. I am so lucky.

Ang, there are no words big enough to express my gratitude to you or for you. I am amazed by you, inspired by you, and better because of you each day. I love you beyond measure. I appreciate you. And, I can’t way to travel the next leg of this journey of life with you.  

Words of Gratitude #3: Remembering My Roots

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Note: I’m writing a note of gratitude on the blog each day in November leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday. My hope is that these posts will inspire you to do the same. Write an email, Facebook post, or a text to tell people they have made an impact on you. Gratitude is contagious. 


As a parent, it’s almost universally true that our children don’t express a lot of gratitude for all we do for them. They don’t seem to appreciate the effort and sacrifice it takes to keep them alive and hopefully get them to adulthood safely without screwing them up too badly.

And, our kids can be pretty nasty to us at times, particularly in those golden teenage years where even the sweetest kids have moments where they behave like assholes. My parents, and my mother in particular, still have nightmares about my teen years. I took being a know-it-all jackass to the art form level with my parents.

My Mom and Dad with our oldest son, Dylan.

So today, I wanted to dedicate my words of gratitude to my parents. I know that I have never adequately thanked them for the sacrifice and commitment it took to raise me.

There are things about me today that I take for granted as strengths I can lean on. Things like a strong work ethic, a deep sense of integrity, a compulsion to give back to my community, and an appreciation for the value of great friends. All of this comes from my parents.

My parents never sat me down to talk about these things. It was by living with them and observing their example that all of this set firmly into my identity and beliefs. I was lucky to have such great role models in my life in my formative years.

Above all of this though, the greatest gift that my parents gave me as I was growing up was a certainty that anything was possible. I never knew or felt limitations to what I could accomplish, only possibility. My parents encouraged me and supported my aspirations even while I was being a giant pain in the butt.

I was profoundly lucky to grow up in a house like this. It is an immense privilege to be born into a family like this. And, I am trying my hardest to give this same gift to my children.

Mom and Dad, thank you for everything you’ve given and sacrificed for me. I know that at times, the choices I’ve made haven’t made much sense to you, but you’ve always been there to support me when I needed it most. Thank you for all of the lessons I learned through your example. So much of the best of me today is a reflection of you. I love you and am so grateful for you both.  

Words of Gratitude #4: The Gift of Grandparents

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Note: I’m writing a note of gratitude on the blog each day in November leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday. My hope is that these posts will inspire you to do the same. Write an email, Facebook post, or a text to tell people they have made an impact on you. Gratitude is contagious. 


If you haven’t caught on yet, I have been fortunate in so many ways in my life. Another example is that as a man in my forties, I still have two grandparents in my life. My mom’s parents, Bob and Lois, are both in their nineties today and I’m so grateful to have had so many years with them so far.

My grandparents are two of the most positive and loving people I’ve ever met. They have been amazing role models for our family for what a healthy relationship looks like.

I always knew that my grandma and grandpa loved me growing up because they always made time to be with me (and all of their other grandkids). They understood time was the currency of relationships and they invested heavily in us.

My grandpa was a postmaster in the postal service for decades. He introduced me to stamp collecting as a child and the two of us spent hours and hours cutting, soaking, and sorting stamps together.

My grandparents introduced me to golf on their small rural Iowa golf course. When I think back on it now, I’m sure it had to be maddening at times for them to take my cousins and me out golfing. I wasn’t very good and didn’t have a lot of patience for getting better. But, I don’t ever remember my grandparents losing patience with me on the course. I only remember joy and fun.

They always seemed so happy just to be with us. That is still true to this day.

Over the past decade, I’ve had a number of great conversations with my grandparents about the past and about their story. Through that, I’ve learned how it came to be they don’t hold grudges and choose to forgive easily. They know that life is too short and relationships are too precious to waste on petty arguments. They saw others make this mistake early in their lives and vowed not to repeat that same mistake.

I hope to someday live up to the example that my grandparents have set for me.

Grandma and Grandpa, thank you for loving me, supporting me, and showing me what it means to live a happy, positive life. You have set such a great example for all of us in the family and beyond. I’m so grateful for all of the time you’ve shared with me throughout my life. I love you.  

Words of Gratitude (#5) to my mentor, Cy Wakeman

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Note: I’m writing a note of gratitude on the blog each day in November leading up to the Thanksgiving holiday. My hope is that these posts will inspire you to do the same. Write an email, Facebook post, or a text to tell people they have made an impact on you. Gratitude is contagious. 


About fifteen years ago, I remember sitting at the back of the room for a concurrent session during a conference I was attending. The speaker, to my surprise, was dynamic and funny and engaging. And, she left me with real stuff to think about.  I was really impressed. So I grabbed one of her cards and I held on to it, hoping someday I might be able to hire her to do some work with me.

Eventually, a year and a half later, I was able to engage with her on a big project for the company where I worked. Over the course of that year, we did some amazing work together. And we became friends.

Her name was Cy Wakeman.  If you don’t know Cy, you need to. She is an amazing keynote speaker with the kind of natural charisma that makes other speakers jealous. And she’s written some great books that will change your thinking in powerful ways.

Over the past decade and a half, few people have had a bigger impact on my career than Cy. From the first moments we met, she’s been a mentor and champion for me. My thinking about leadership, management, and organizational culture has her fingerprints all over it.

Cy has coached me through some tough times professionally with great advice and guidance. When I got my legendary “you suck” list of feedback during my corporate years, she helped me recover and turn that experience into rocket fuel.

When I left my last corporate gig and wasn’t sure what was next, she found space within her organization for me to do what I did best.

It was Cy who helped me understand that this crazy and wonderfully weird career of public speaking and writing was even possible. Her generosity with advice and encouragement and support has overwhelmed me over the years.

Even now, in this past year, while her business is growing like never before she’s busier than ever, she found time to graciously write the forward for my new book and to help spread that word. It’s humbling to have a friend and mentor like this in my life.

Cy, you are the best. Thank you for everything you’ve done to help me along the way. I’m so grateful to know you and call you a friend. I just wish we could find more time in our crazy lives to drink wine and solve the world’s problems like in the old days. 🙂

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